Ramblings

(I put the above quote, because I think I need to remind myself of this.  And maybe, just maybe, you need to as well.)

Right now, it is impossible to sleep.  A couple of members of the PP have taken the suggestion of "It's nice to share" literally, and so I'm battling a nasty cold.  Even lying down causes my eyeballs to feel like they're sinking, and the pounding of my head is far from pleasant.  I tried steaming myself in a hot bath like a giant cabbage, and while in there I thought about how my blog is starving.  Hence, here I am.

Now, it's not like we haven't been busy.  Indeed, our family can now add "have driven across Australia" to our life resumes.  What an adventure! We loaded up the PP and Flynnpuppy, and took five days each way from WA to the ACT.  On the way there we stopped overnight at Esperance, Eucla, Melrose and Mildura.  On the way back it was Mildura, Kimba, Eucla and Esperance.  Now, i have misplaced my camera with all of the glorious photos so you'll have to make do with a list of my highlights:

• The wildlife- emus, eagles, a snake, feral cats.  Do you know that we didn't see one live kangaroo?
• Esperance Animal Farm.  You MUST visit there! Perfect hospitality, and the PP loved seeing the animals and feeding the baby lambs.
• Eucla.  Hmmm.  On our way back we left there at 4am just to escape!
• The Nullabor.  We did it! 
• Head of Bight.  Absolutelyfreaking amazing!

The PP were almost perfect! Only Princess Mini-M carried on like a pork chop at times, but then she is an avid car hating baby.  The trip was made for her Christening, so she should have appreciated our efforts a tad more!

Anyway, when we got back Mr J had surgery (he is recovering fine!).  It's been nice to have him home, even though we've mostly been homebodies.  I've felt a bit blue since we got back.  I love Perth and its lifestyle, but I'm really missing my family and friends back East.  I miss the people who just 'get me', who know everything about me and love me anyway.  I feel lonely here at times, like I don't belong.  But nowhere really feels like home anymore.  Everything is a bit mundane as well.  Mr J and I were able to go and watch a movie when we were in Canberra, it was like heaven!  We don't ever get to do anything like that anymore, I miss it.  I love the PP more than life itself, but I miss me sometimes too.

Now instead of signing off on that downer, I will share something else a little special.

Excuse the shoddy photo, but this is the newest (and last, for a while) member of our family.  This little poppet is Jedaro Sweet Avalon, or 'Elsie' for short.  She is a blue torti bicolour persian baby, and I love her so much.  She came from the lovely Linda at Jedaro Persians in Victoria, and is a true testament to an ethical and loving breeder.  I honestly have never met such a laidback, placid cat in my life.  She's a little snugglebunny, and Eden and Suki have accepted their new furry sister into their home as well, so it's perfect!  Once I sort out registration with the FCCWA, she will be appearing on the showbench which is a bit exciting.  The PP, especially Miss Georgie, are quite smitten with her.

Anywho, I think I have fed the PP blog enough for now so I shall call it a night.  I have more I want to write, but I will leave that until tomorrow.

Sweet dreams.

xx

"Sleep is the best meditation."

My goodness, I'm a slack blogger.  I'm hanging my head in shame, when I just saw that my last post was in February. February! Tsk tsk tsk.

I wish I could come up with a super awesome excuse filled with radness about why I haven't put pen to paper.... er fingers to keyboard, and written for so long.  But alas, my excuse is pitiful.  I'm tired.  Not just tired, tired.  But I-Fall-Asleep-While-Sitting-Up kind of tired.  The other week we went for a drive, and I fell asleep with my head on the armrest. I think I snored.  Why am I so tired?!?! For a start, Princess Mini M isn't sleeping much! She is so restless, rolling in her sleep and crying out, which then wakes her up where she needs to be resettled.  She falls asleep, and it begins again.  Teething, who knows? In the past 48 hours I have had six hours sleep. Six.  It's so cruel! There is no respite during the day with Mr J being at work.  No break.  No chance to recharge.  My body is fatigued, my eyes are constantly running.  I look like a zombie.  I stumble over simple sentences and forget what I was doing.  Tonight I cried.  Molly went down for the night at 6pm.  I gave her a goodnight kiss, then I lay on my bed, hugged my Edenkitty, and cried.  Because I am so tired and worn out! I love my girls so, so much.  But they truly are creatures who siphon all of your energy (brilliant piece of work, whoever posted that on Facebook!).  My mantra? This too shall pass, otherwise there is always night time tv.  Last night I watched Bride of Chucky.  (Repeating my mantra now as Mooski has already woken twice since she went to bed.)

In other news, it is less than two weeks before we start our epic roadtrip! All together now.... SQUEEE!!!!!  To say I am excited is an understatement!  So many people I have missed desperately the past twelve months, so many people who are yet to meet my Mooski.  It's going to a special trip, that's for sure!

Otherwise we're just plodding along.  Mr J and I have done our Easter shopping for the girls: chocolate eggs for my big princesses, and a bunny and a Thumper outfit for the littlest.  My darling friend Cherie sent over some awesome eggs and baskets for our Easter Egg Hunt, the princesses have been carrying the eggs around in their baskets, warming up for the competition! Thank you Cherie, we loves ya!

(Let's make that three times. Sigh.)

Speaking of friends, I have realised that I have a couple of emotional vampires in my midst.  If you don't knows what an emotional vampire is, have a google! I don't think these people are helping my current fatigueness (I made a word, haha), constantly giving while they constantly take is draining.  Yes, we're all fighting our own battles, but empty promises or pretending to care, talking about yourself and your problems without so much as a "How are you?", well it's just plain rude!  So I have begun to distance myself from these individuals, as I decided this year that I refused to give any more of my time to toxic people.  Emotionally investing yourself constantly in someone who is ungrateful or who doesn't return the favour when you're not feeling too flash yourself just sucks.  I think that's me unleashing some of my inner Wolf Woman. Finally!

Now Princess Mini M has completed her trifecta and I feel better for having fed my poor neglected blog, I may attempt to nap between wakings.  Ha!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Friend, chum, cohort, ally, buddy, mate....

During my childhood, I never thought I would be a person who would have a multitude of friends.  I was shy in school (which made me an easy target for bullies), and I spent my weekends horse riding and not being social.  So it's funny to now look at my life, and to see how blessed I truly am.  I have made friends from all walks of life, and they came into my life in each walking a different path.  I have a few friends from school, my fellow crazy cat ladies, old uni and work friends, friends from my daughters' school, old neighbours.... the list goes on.  Each and every one of them has touched my life and if you're reading this, then thank you for being you and I love you!

However the purpose of me writing this, is to focus on one special group of friends.  My fellow defence wives.

Yesterday the PP, Mr J and I ventured out to the Defence Family Day.  It's a huge event that is free to all defence personnel, and we enjoyed ourselves with endless hot dogs, fairy floss, popcorn, slushies, rides, and sunshine!  However it was while I was sitting in the shade, listening to some friends talking and just soaking my surroundings in, that I felt the need to write all this down.  I was looking at how many people were enjoying their day too, as they stopped to talk to someone they knew while their kids ran around screaming.  I noticed how many tents were set up, filled to the brim with information and freebies from different organisations, and it was all support for defence and their families.  I realised that we are a part of a very special community, and it is because of this community that I now share my life with people who are more special than they realise.

Mr J was in the US Navy when we met, but my first real taste of defence life and how different it is, is when we moved to Cerberus.  I had moved away from my family and friends, and was living in a strange place with three kids, one a newborn.  It was indescribably hard, and I have never felt so alone.  On our little patch of housing was a community cottage, and I summoned up the courage to venture down there.  I had heard talk of defence wives being nasty, riding on the coat tails of their husbands' rank, and basically being a pack of witches that feast on the souls of those lower down on the food chain.

My experiences thus far couldn't be further from the truth! Sure, you get some nasty or weird pieces of work but they exist throughout all of society.  For the most part I have only met gorgeous, kind and amazing ladies.  That first day at Cerberus, two beautiful individuals made me feel welcome and are still my friends today.  Through the playgroup I met two of my best friends, and I'm thrilled to be sharing a posting with them both again.  Cerberus yielded some wonderful friendships, and I love that I have friends Australia-wide.

It's fantastic to be a part of a community who looks out for one another.  We can vent, cry, celebrate and laugh over things that no one else understands.  We deal with people asking how on earth we can do it, living this kind of life.  We vent over the bad press the defence receives, while the good is forgotten.  We understand the pride that we feel when we see our men in uniform, whether they be marching in an ANZAC parade, or walking through the door after work.  We love the adventure, seeing Australia and making those precious friendships, and welcoming new babies as a part of the defence family.  Yes it can be hard, and oh so frustrating.  But us girls have each other's backs, our kids have many pseudo-aunts and siblings, and our partners can share a beer as well as the camaraderie that develops almost instantaneously.

There's a sense of belonging, we would do anything for each other and we're never alone.  As I spent the day with some of my friends yesterday, ran into people I know, and watched my girls run around with their buddies I decided we truly are lucky to belong to this world and if it wasn't for the navy I wouldn't share my life with such amazing people all around Australia.

Plus, we all love a man in uniform. ;)

I heard your heart say love, love, love....

Yesterday was the day.  The day where singles staunchly declare that they're happy being unattached, and where couples try to outdo each other in the gift and romance stakes.  My facebook was flooded with pictures of roses and status updates of love or loathing, of date nights or partners in trouble!  You know what I think was the best part?

Clicking on the Google logo.  How cute was that little animation?!!!

Mr J and I rarely celebrate Valentines Day.  Our anniversary is in April, and we would rather celebrate that than a commercial day.  This Valentines Day was spent with Mr J at work, and myself cleaning up after the youngest princess who is going for a world record in destroying sheets and doona covers as she attempts to defeat whatever virus is holding her little body hostage.  Yeah, nothing much romantic about that!

So it has got me wondering what is so popular about this one day that either breeds brownie points, or resentment?  Is modern-day romance so far gone that we need a day dedicated to reminding us that we love someone? Has the knight in shining armour who would fight for his fair lady been replaced by the Sensitive New Age Guy (S.N.A.G.) who has forgotten the simple gesture of opening the door for his partner?  Do both men and women rely on this one day every twelve months to make up for the other 364 days a year where they take their relationship for granted?  What about those who are single?  Yes, there are plenty of people who are happy flying solo, but what about those who are newly single, newly widowed, or lonely?  Where's THEIR day?

How about everyone just tries to show their partners how much they mean apart from on the 14th of February?  Spare a thought for those who are alone, and let's not turn it into a competition about sizes of bouquets or expensive dinners.  Trust me, the only ones who are impressed are the companies who are amazed at how much their profits soar in February!

It's the little gestures that mean the most.  Seriously.  Get out there and try some Random Acts of Romance, your partner will love you for it!

School Daze

Carefully brushed hair, pulled back into a ponytail with her trademark curls and new pretty clips.  Brand new shoes so white that they're blinding, and socks that are too big.  Same as her shirt and skirt, and her schoolbag that houses her much-loved dinosaur lunchbox, new pencilcase and her hat.

Outside for photos, "The sun is too bright Mummy!" One more! Then onwards to the big brick building that she has been itching to be a part of since we moved into the neighbourhood last year.  When we walk through the gate, it is already a hive of activity with big kids and little kids everywhere.  She holds my hand tightly, and stays close beside me while I go to double check the class list that is stuck to the library window.  Seeing her name up there, it feels surreal.  We stop to chat to friends, and for more photos.  She is so, so nervous but her big sister gives her a hug.  She's an old hand at this gig.

We wander to the building closest to the office, and mill around with the other mothers.  Whenever we make eye contact with someone, we smile and shrug off our own nervousness for our little ones.  Most of the kids are chatting and running, laughing and tugging on their mothers' clothes.  Mine stays close, refusing to break the invisible rope that has been between us for four years.

Finally, the front door opens and two teachers step out.  One young, smiling and chirpy.  The other is older,  more tired.  They introduce themselves, ask us to leave bags outside, and then start handing out name tags as we enter the building.  Still holding my hand, we put her new prized possessions into her cubbyhole, then I sit on a miniature chair beside her while she does a Red Riding Hood puzzle.  Again, and again.  She is too shy to walk through the throng to get a different puzzle.  So she keeps doing it, handing pieces to her younger sister, until a bell rings.  It is time to say goodbye.  She holds onto me, and tears start falling.  I start to feel tears building up myself, but am saved from them escaping by her teacher who comes to lead her away.  She tells her that Mummy will be here afterwards, that she will make new friends, and that her big sister is only across the playground.  I walk out of the classroom, looking back one more time to see her curly ponytail amongst all the other kids sitting down on the rug beside her.

She has been my precious second-born princess for four years and I love her so much.  She is affectionate, loves cuddles and kisses, and dancing, and dresses, and pink.  Today she experienced her first day of primary school.  I missed her so much, but was also so excited to hear about her day and to see her special bird that she made and that she is so proud of.  Tonight, I crept into her room to say an extra goodnight but she was already fast asleep.

Such a big day for both my princess, and her Mummy.  Our invisible rope hasn't snapped, it's just grown longer.

To market, to market!

I love markets. A lot!  Whether they are trash and treasure, car boot, or filled with stall upon stall of handmade goodies, I can spend hours at them.  It's funny what you come across, some things you shake your head at while with others you wish you had a couple of hundred dollars in order to bring something exquisite into your home.

Today my dear friend T-Dawg (haha), myself and the long suffering Mr K and Mr J, as well as both of our PPs left our houses at 7am in order to hit three various markets around Perth.  The first adventure was driving around to their house, and finding someone's car in the middle of the road! Handbrakes are wonderful things, cars sitting stationary in the road... not so much.  Knocking on their door yielded no results, so our big strong husbands pushed it back onto the lawn and I left a note on the door. Being so excited about heading to the markets, I even left a smileyface on the piece of paper. :)

Good deed for the day done, we headed off.  Mrs T is a market fiend too, we're a match made in heaven!  Things I found, that I would have loved to have brought home (Mr J is a lot more restrained than me!):

- A spinning wheel.  It was made of awesome!  Even Miss Delaney stroked it lovingly, as it was all Sleeping Beautyesque. 

- Antique pram.  So pretty, and girly!

- A military ammunition box.  As well as a huge mounted sword.  For Mr J.  He said that he's been spoilt enough lately with things, so he wouldn't even let me get prices! Spoilsport.

- Lots of paintings. Om nom nom!

There was plenty more, but we spent a minimal amount and came away happy!

My quirky kitty.  A lady was selling hand carved animals, so Mr J bought me one!

The girls all got a handknitted teddy.  Anyone who knows me, knows I am addicted to handmade.  Plus the proceeds from the sale of these teddies was going to The Heart Foundation.  Happy girls, happy hearts! Win, win all round.

I have been trying to find a mini wicker chair for Molly's room, for what feels like forever. Expensive on ebay, gumtree yielded nothing.  Spotted this, Mr J haggled, happy Mish!

Miss Georgia utilising my find!  Just needs a pretty cushion, which I will eventually get around to making.

Mr J's precious dipping sauce.  It's full of masculinity.  He also came away with some smoked jalapeno chilli powder.  I need to get some for the parentals!

We also picked up a bowl for the ratties, perfect size and unable to be tipped over.  So every one came away with something.  Well, almost everyone! Three members of our family seemed to be hopeful, sorry guys!

Not sure when we will be forgiven, but the PP are more than happy!

Just to clear it up...

I wasn't actually unhappy or sad when I wrote my previous post.  Instead, I was just reflecting.

To lighten the mood, here is a smiley kitty!

Grey, Red, Arctic.....

Sorry for the lack of blogging, I did actually write up an entry a week ago but it got eaten.  Somehow.  Not impressed.  I couldn't be bothered to type it all out again!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago Mr J, the PP and I were at the shopping centre.  We love checking out the book store, as do the princesses.  Mr J made his way to the spiritual/religious/new age section, and I took the girls to look at Mr Men, Beatrix Potter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Once the girls had chosen a book each, we went to find Mr J, who has been searching for a specific book.  I started pulling out different titles to see if anything else was of interest to him, when a cover caught my eye.  It was a simple cover photo, of a wolf.

I read the back, and decided it would be one to add to my kindle.  However I was disappointed to see that it wasn't available so I went to my next source, The Book Depository.  I impatiently waited for it to arrive, which it did two days ago.  Since then I have begun to devour Estes' writing whenever I get a chance.  She talks about how "within every woman there lives a Wild Woman, filled with passionate creativity and ageless knowing, but repressed for centuries by a value system that trivialises emotional truth, intuitive wisdom and instinctual self-confidence."  She shares stories and folklore that show us how we may imagine ourselves to be, and how we truly are.  That's the general gist, without me rambling!

Last night after the girls were in bed, I continued reading and highlighted those passages which resonated with me.  Needless to say, the first few chapters that I've managed to read so far, are filled with green highlights!  I think this book appeals to me, because I see so much of myself in it.  I constantly feel the need to be what I'm expected to be, and to do what I'm expected to do.  I hide aspects of myself that I feel I should be ashamed of, and constantly worry what people think of me.

What are some things about myself that I hide?!

* I rarely share that I love and believe in most of the aspects of attachment parenting.  Sometimes I feel I'm a bit of a closet hippy!
* I don't enjoy general nursing, I really don't.  The thought of returning to work on a surgical or medical ward makes me feel ill.
* I want to change the world (Mr J knows this, and likes to remind me that I can't help or save everyone).  Especially in regards to animals.  I would have a houseful of foster cats if Mr J would let me!  Instead, I make do with dropping food off once a fortnight to our vet (who takes in dumped cats and kittens.) But it's not enough.
* I hide the fact that my endometriosis and adenomyosis is causing me so much pain.  There's people a lot worse off, so suck it up!

I need to stop caring what people think of me.  I need to start living life the way I want to, without trying to keep everyone else happy (excluding the PP, who rely on me for everything).  I need to start "running with the wolves."

I need to just get brave enough to do it.